Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What doesn't kill you makes you slower. -Ancient Zombie Wisdom

   Insomnia: its when you spend your whole night thinking about the next day, days passed, and days to come, and when your out of bed the next day, all you can think about is the bed, the pillow and how to sleep!!

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   do eggplants have salmenella??

   wondering what people used to do or how they lived their lives without the internet....so I asked Google

   if you cook an egg, won't it kill the salmonella

   What goes around comes around; wait for revenge, revenge waits for you

   I say we should build a Multi-religion facility to appease all religions near the 9/11 site.

   NFL preseason games are like Cinemax porn. If you haven't seen the real thing in seven months, it gets the job done.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   says if Rihanna liked the way it hurt, she'd still be with Chris Brown

   hey kids.. go back to MYSPACE!!! FB was created for and is for adults ya know...

   219 facebook friends but only 60 numbers saved in my cell phone am I missing something here? who are these people?

   venting on his Myspace that he cant get on his facebook...

   If Yo family says they're proud of you for graduating from everest that means they didn't think you would live that long

   I take a high school dropout more serious than a person that graduated from Everest

   graduating from everest is the same as saying "well I'm a loser & I watch BET all day"

   u know how dumb you will sound if you go in a interview talking bout you graduated from Everest? Ain't nobody gon take serious

   I asked facebook in the help section what exactly is poke?facebook replyed me saying poke is a dirty animal

   Charles D*ckens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"