Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5663 of 6384
Wife called, she said, "2 packages arrived today. The 1st was your PS3 and the 2nd is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours." I said, "You'll be f*cking lucky, I only ordered 1 controller.
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08-27-2010 13:27 by MBH
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On this date in 2005 Hurricane Katrina blow more black guys in one day then...Lisa Lampanelli has in 15 years...
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08-27-2010 13:24
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Ok, it's official...I spend way too much time on facebook. I just caught myself giving my boss a thumbs up because I liked something He said.. God help me!
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08-27-2010 13:20 by BOO
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I avoid "online dating sites" because they match you up with people who share your interests and I don't want to go out with a weirdo.
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08-27-2010 13:06
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Forgetting an email attachment is the 21st century's version of licking an envelope shut and then realizing you forgot to put the letter inside.
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08-27-2010 13:03
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Please pray 4 me. Had a checkup & I tested positive 4 being The S#it! I'm allergic 2 all haters. Side effects may cause me 2 slap a bit**!!
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08-27-2010 12:56
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I'm going to name my dog Curiosity and see what my cat loving friends think about that.
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08-27-2010 12:48 by MBH
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I was just hit by a Prius. It felt like I walked into a tree.
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08-27-2010 12:47 by MBH
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Somedays it is just so hard being so much better than most people.
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08-27-2010 12:10
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If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
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08-27-2010 11:49 by gator
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I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.
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08-27-2010 11:42
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in case of a fire do not use the elevator use water
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08-27-2010 11:40
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They say money doesn't buy happiness.....I am guessing you're shopping at the wrong store...
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08-27-2010 11:29 by rll
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Mr. Officer would you like Coffee & doughnuts with my license & registration sir???
I cant take this sh*t anymore!!! .....so I flushed the toilet and walked out :)
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08-27-2010 10:24 by T-dawg
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How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?
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08-27-2010 10:01 by The FRED
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Mow let me get this straight ------------~ Damn!! So close!!!
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08-27-2010 10:00
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I "HOPE" we can "CHANGE" it back!
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08-27-2010 09:41 by Billy
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The 33 miners trapped deep underground have apparently been given the bad news that it will take 3 months to dig them out of deep hole... I wish our government would tell us when we could expect being dug out of "Our Hole"
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08-27-2010 09:11 by Billy
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doesn't understand the phrase 'less than a few minutes.' I mean, we don't even know how long 'a few minutes' is, so how the hell would we know what's less than that?
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08-27-2010 08:38 by Kish
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