Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   is single...but you're welcome to change that as long as your female and emotionally stable without the use of medication.

   So, this freed Chilean miner walks into a bar, hot chick buys him a drink & says "Your place or mine?"

   I've got the 28th pick in my Fantasy Chilean miner league. Let's hope there's some good ones still down there.

   Its Couples Week! Copy And Paste This With the Date When You Got Together! Well, since I'm single I think I'll just go have casual, no strings attached sex and not have deal with remembering about the date of it.

   The lawyer for Brett Favre should use this defense regarding the pics "He was making a pass at his wife and another woman intercepted it"

   I'm heavily armed...and not afraid to flab them in your face! :P

   ‎2 packet of Crisps were walking along the road. Passing car stops and the driver asked if they would like a lift. "No thanks," said the crisps "We're Walker's''

   Those Chilean miners are gonna be so surprised when they find out they were really on Big Brother this whole time.

   The Skort, skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your ass

   People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.

   An "open relationship" is when both people are cheating on each other and want everyone else to know.

   Based on the way it's being used "LOL" must stand for "OK"

   I bet those Chilean miners going to be pissed when they have to go back to work at 5 in the morning tomorrow.

   Fastest way to piss me off? Tell me to "settle down."

   I think It's funny that my mom has figured out how to tag me in pics he upload to Facebook but the clock on his VCR has been wrong since 1987.

   Think you've had a bad day ! ! ! One of the chilean miners has just been told he forgot to clock on.

   Would you tap that???..I wouldnt even poke it on facebook!!!!

   "just wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done. "

   Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.

   packing his bags...going on a guilt trip!