Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5552 of 6384
heard that Bruce Willis is working on the next Die Hard movie. Working titles are Die Hard: The Colonoscopy or Die Hard: Medicare with a Vengeance.
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10-08-2010 12:59 by markf
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New Age is Old School: The Dream(Prince), Trey Songz(R.Kelly), and Lady GaGa(Madonna)...Get your own image people
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10-08-2010 12:54
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Squirrelly, squirrelly on the street--you shoulda been quicker on your feet.
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10-08-2010 12:18 by Aaron
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in an open relationship with all the ladies on match.com.
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10-08-2010 11:24
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I throw my Spanish in the air sometimes, saying ayo no comprendo
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10-08-2010 11:12
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likes it under my arm after I knocked an old lady over the head for it.
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10-08-2010 11:05 by vdog
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Gonna make a milkshake to see if it'll bring all the boys to my yard.....I need one to pull up the weeds.
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10-08-2010 10:57 by SKP
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Stop the Madness!!!! haha If you're broke it doesn't matter where you like your purse!
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10-08-2010 10:19 by Robert
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They want us to think they're backpack leaf blowers but they're actually jetpacks... and THAT'S how they're getting across the border!
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10-08-2010 09:39 by Mike M
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Mr. Officer, I am not drunk. You are just witnessing sobriety that hasn't returned yet.
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10-08-2010 09:23
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Single...but you're welcome to change that ;D
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10-08-2010 08:18
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The best thing in this status is when you realized that it mean nothing and it's too late to stop reading...
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10-08-2010 08:05 by mmZZ41n
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When i'm good, i'm good. When i'm BAD, i'm the best!!!
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10-08-2010 08:03 by mmZZ41n
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Bosses are like diapers, always full of s****t and usually on your a$$ (^-^)
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10-08-2010 06:52
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if you really were my friend, you would write a little note, but since you never do, I assume you never won't
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10-08-2010 03:03
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If I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
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10-08-2010 02:20 by Aaron
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I start drinking earlier and earlier everyday... I had to set my alarm this morning.
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10-08-2010 02:06 by Aaron
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I don't eat nuts at the bar. But I like to run my fingers through them and lick the salt off.
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10-08-2010 02:06 by Aaron
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bankruptcy spelled with one "oh sh*t" or two?
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10-08-2010 02:04 by Aaron
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going steal your CAPS lock & shift key if you don't stope YELLING...or unfriend you
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10-08-2010 01:18
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