Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5539 of 6384
What is with going to the doctors while your sick and they have the nerve to ask how am I doing? "Yeahhh you know I'm doing pretty well just have 2 ear infections and bronchitis no big deal!" As if they don't know I'm not doing too great.
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10-12-2010 14:35
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getting poked on facebook by one of your friends is one thing, but getting poked by a family member is where I draw the line
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10-12-2010 13:58
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It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties.
When they get the Chilean miners out, can we put the Go Compare guy in?
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10-12-2010 13:24 by @clarkysj
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when your hand gets stuck trying to reach the Pringles in that friggin' tube - STOP EATING THEM!!
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10-12-2010 13:17 by levon
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Wishes Brett Favre would stop sending me text messages.
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10-12-2010 12:39
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relieved to see Facebook finally expanded the Religion choice to include Amish, for all those Amish people out there with computers.
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10-12-2010 12:20 by markf
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I just met a girl who was so hott she doesnt even poop!
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10-12-2010 12:10
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You can attract flies with honey, but you get more honeys if your fly!
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10-12-2010 12:10 by Skedee
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Had colon cancer so they removed part of it. Now I have a ;
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10-12-2010 11:53
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If you believe in reincarnation, will your gravestone say "BRB" instead of "R.I.P."?
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10-12-2010 11:34
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The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.
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10-12-2010 11:30 by Aaron
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Facebook needs to add "P*ssy Whipped" to it's relationship status.
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10-12-2010 11:25
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X FACTOR FANS! If you're missing Gamu, don't worry! From next Wednesday you'll be able to sponsor her for £3 a month!
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10-12-2010 11:05 by @clarkysj
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Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.
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10-12-2010 10:57 by Michael
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Why is it okay for fat ppl to say "god ur skinny" but I can't say "damn ur fat"?
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10-12-2010 09:35 by Shady
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Why join a gym if you have Photoshop?
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10-12-2010 09:29
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People always tell me that I should follow my dreams. Last night, I had that dream where I was in school, but I was naked in front of the whole class. Off I go! I might need bail money.
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10-12-2010 09:19
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If you enjoy wasting time, then is it really time wasted?
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10-12-2010 07:32 by Skedee
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Just because you don't have a pool, doesn't mean you can't have a diving board.