Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5523 of 6384
You know you're awesome when you know you're awesome.
I don't drink about you anymore.
Life experiences are like quarters, you lose both when you are sitting around on the couch.
Either my shirt shrunk in the wash or, a more likely reason, those four push-ups per day have made me a BEAST.
Everyone has three lives: their public life, private life, and secret life.
whats the difference between a chile mine manager and a priest? one gets his mines stuck in a shaft the other gets his shaft stuck in a miner
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10-17-2010 06:32
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Its 1:40 am....do you know where your girlfriend is? Um......neither do I. But I'm sure she is in good hands.
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10-17-2010 01:40
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doesn't care that they're bad at parking. The other cars are bad at swerving!
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10-17-2010 01:25
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Last night went to a corn maze for the first time ever! It was aMAZEing. I thought it would be CORNy, but we had so much fun. They did have a few STALKers, don't worry, I was all EARS. Had a blast!
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10-17-2010 01:15 by Jeff
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Sometimes it seems I spend half my life just breathing in.
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10-17-2010 00:45
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Cooking Tip: Raw toast is an ideal bread substitute
Comparing Journey to Justin Beiber is like comparing the finest wine to pee.
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10-17-2010 00:17
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The first step to recovery is admitting that you're a problem.
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10-17-2010 00:05 by Aaron
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I've never seen a shark throw up. That might be something.
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10-17-2010 00:01 by Aaron
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Normal people are weird.
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10-17-2010 00:01 by Aaron
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Hi ho! Hi ho! It's off to sleep I go. I'll crawl in bed and rest my head. Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho! Hi ho!
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10-16-2010 22:47
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Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!
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10-16-2010 22:28
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Strangers have the best candy.
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10-16-2010 22:28
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In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
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10-16-2010 22:27
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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
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10-16-2010 22:23
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