Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5516 of 6384
Guess we know who 90,000 Boeing employees won't be voting for in 2012....
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10-19-2010 17:14 by wired111
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Snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.
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10-19-2010 16:55 by Aaron
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Just remember people...the sober one ALWAYS remembers everything :)
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10-19-2010 16:19
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thinking that if you have to advertise that you are a princess across your ass, odds are you are probably not
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10-19-2010 15:34
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever.
lets turn the NFL into touch football
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10-19-2010 15:23 by James A
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Words to live by: If your outflow is greater than your income, then your up-keeps guna be your downfall
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10-19-2010 15:12 by SEAN
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You know that garbage can right next to Oscar the Grouch's garbage can? That's where he takes the ladies.
It's good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl
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10-19-2010 15:04
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them??
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10-19-2010 14:57 by Heather25
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I just saved a lot of money by not paying my car insurance bill.
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10-19-2010 14:53
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even if your sporting a tic tac for a dck....you can still freshen their breath!
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10-19-2010 14:47 by kimdp1969
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Could I borrow your face for Halloween?
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10-19-2010 14:28 by Thrasher
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"Find your ideal partner on Facebook!" No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.
♫♪ It's a quarter after one; I'm a little drunk and I need you now....♪♫ Sounds just a tad better than it's 1:15, I'm Trashed & Horny let's get busy...
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10-19-2010 13:35 by Donna
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Thinking that they made the turtoise and the hare book to make fat people feel good about theirselves!
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10-19-2010 13:17
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I feel like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance...But just to be on the safe side I'm gonna go get some! If I'm found dead,I would like them to be sued for false advertising.
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10-19-2010 13:07 by John
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Hey are you stalking me? I'm so tired of hot women following me around all day, it gets annoying.
It's tough to be such a sex symbol.
Hates when she's singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
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10-19-2010 12:35
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