Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5500 of 6384
If you don't like being tailgated, then don't play movies I like.
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10-24-2010 15:17
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's favourite fruit is grapes. With grapes, you always get another chance. If you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem – just move on to the next. Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.
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10-24-2010 15:16
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Q: What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe? A: Roberto.
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10-24-2010 15:14
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Guess Lesnar should have feared more then just the Diarrhea from Mexico
literally there are some of you I want to hit in the face with a book, oh my god.
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10-24-2010 15:13
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how ironic would it be to choke on a lifesaver?
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10-24-2010 15:12
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Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA speak for "here's a pine tree and some nails."
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10-24-2010 15:11
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Hint: if someone asks you if you "have a sec", answer "I have lots of secs", and they will forget their original question.
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10-24-2010 15:09
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After watching Final Destination, I now have visions. I won't go into details, but please stay away from revolving doors, and roti.
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10-24-2010 15:07
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WARNING: Facebook contains traces of nuts.
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10-24-2010 15:06
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If Abe Vigoda adopted Dakota Fanning, the resulting name would be funny.
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10-24-2010 15:05
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Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?
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10-24-2010 15:04
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10 should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy.
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10-24-2010 15:02
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If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you can say "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
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10-24-2010 15:01
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Here's a helpful hint: the fastest way to get a hold of a live person is to scream obscenities at the voice prompts.
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10-24-2010 15:00
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Reports show that $22 billion in productivity is lost to social media, but I'm pretty sure people slacked off before Facebook.
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10-24-2010 15:00
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thinks the “8″ in “Kate Plus 8″ refers to the remaining viewers.
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10-24-2010 14:59
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dropped my car off for an ice cream paint job, but they messed up and got it CLEAN on the inside and CREAM on the outside. Idiots.
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10-24-2010 14:58
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feeling so good today. High-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
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10-24-2010 14:58
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so dependent on the Google "did you mean ____?" that I barely bother to spell anything correctly anymore.
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10-24-2010 14:57
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