Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5495 of 6385
thought Brett Farve was done throwing TD passes to Greenbay Packers....does last nights touchdowns count towards his Packer stats?
Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
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10-26-2010 00:42 by @seddy90
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Dear lady with 4 screaming children at the supermarket.. I would like to either discipline your children or slap you in the face for not learning to control them..
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10-25-2010 23:58 by Elbow
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Born to shop, not to mop.
when a whisper becomes a yell, best just deny it
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10-25-2010 22:43 by Jwal
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keep your lips sealed....even deaf people can read.
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10-25-2010 22:43
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I represent The Pizza Is Too Damn Good party... People eatin pizza 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week, my main job is to provide pizza for breakfast,lunch and dinner. Listen some childs stomach just growled did ya hear it?Give em pizza! Pizza Too Damn Good
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10-25-2010 21:52
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You know if you roll down fast and steady enough, it gives the illusion of electric windows.
gotta love it when 75% of commercials are political ads. I find it odd that I'm actually looking forward to when commercials are 100% commercials again.
"Ugh. I'm never, ever drinking again." - Person who will drink again (starting either tomorrow or the next day)
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10-25-2010 20:25 by jdpower
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Sometimes I hear music so bad that I think the government should also enforce a five-day waiting period for buying a guitar.
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10-25-2010 20:25 by jdpower
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Ever wonder how that one single black hair got all the way up there on your shower wall?
Sony announces it will no longer make Walkman cassette players. In other news, Sony was still making Walkman cassette players?
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10-25-2010 20:23 by jdpower
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give us back Heath Ledger in replacement for the whole cast of the Twilight Series and Justin Beiber.... Fair trade?
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10-25-2010 20:14 by Elbow
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It's a total mood killer when you go in the bathroom after your girlfriend and realize she forgot to flush!
watchin' the Fall leaves dance in the wind..... Hopefully, their Waltz will end up in the neighbor's yard! : )~
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10-25-2010 19:34 by Donna
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I don't like that Google's Instant Search counts every letter I type as a new search, mostly because I searched for "criminal analysis" and now Google has a record of me searching for "criminal anal."
I would like to high-five the first person who convinced their mom that peanut butter and jelly is not a dessert food, but a delicious and nutritious meal.
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10-25-2010 19:29
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Being a TV writer for CSI: Miami would be the best. You would never get rejected. "Your script is over-the-top and and makes no sense. We love it!"
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10-25-2010 19:25
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9 words to live by... IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I GOT HERE OFFICER ;)
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10-25-2010 19:24 by Markymark
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