Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5474 of 6385
Does the Charmin commercials with the dancing cartoon bears freak anyone else out?
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11-02-2010 09:57
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I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.
Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone
planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.
■Twitter makes me like strangers I've never met and Facebook makes me dislike people I know in real life.
dressing as pac-man and chasing people in burka's.
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11-02-2010 08:32
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Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker....
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11-02-2010 07:58 by thullqst
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Lets just say today I need to figure out a thing or two about a thing or two!
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11-02-2010 07:32
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Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
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11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike
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Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake ... will someone please delete my internet browser history.
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11-02-2010 05:02 by @clarkysj
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no retreat no surrender no compromise no going back
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11-02-2010 04:46
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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11-02-2010 04:19
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The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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11-02-2010 04:17
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I don't like to think myself as 'Special' I like to think myself as limited edition
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11-02-2010 04:08 by mmZZ41n
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Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
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11-02-2010 01:59 by darsh
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O.K. so with the whole calorie burning thing...if your body burns so many calories when it is cold, trying to keep itself warm...then the trick to weight loss would be to go outside in little to no clothes on and "chill". wonder how long you hafta stand t
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11-02-2010 00:50
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I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
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11-02-2010 00:38
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When going voting I always feel like I am playing a game of pacman with the people out front trying to get you to sign stuff
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11-02-2010 00:04
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currently unavailable. Please hang up and try again.
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11-01-2010 19:45 by AnnaJ
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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it's my legal obligation to feed you something.
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11-01-2010 19:44
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