Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5449 of 6385
thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades
thinks the incest rate across America must drop so much on nights like these ... You know, when they're all watching the Country Music Awards instead!
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11-10-2010 20:30
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HEY EVERYBODY ON FACEBOOK!! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!....i'm so humble..ok..that is all...
Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!
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11-10-2010 18:08 by ff1241
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Opted for SWAT team costume for Halloween. Cheap and easy. It occurred to me, however, that I've got a toy weapon. Would that be Toy Weapons And Tactics? I don't think it would be copacetic to place the acronym on the shirt.
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11-10-2010 17:47 by Stragen
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know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.
i just found out that turning off all the lights in my house and pretending I'm blind does nothing for my boredom,so then I tried playing pictionary with my dog and cat but they're so STUPID!!
So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
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11-10-2010 16:14
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wondering when Hallmark will make a greeting card for the Single men for there Holiday you Know PALM SUNDAY !!
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11-10-2010 14:41
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Alright, who left the bag of idiots open..
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11-10-2010 14:28 by Wolf
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thinking that school kids are dumb. Whenever they watch a student with a "KICK ME" sticker on their back, they LAUGH, instead of kicking!
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11-10-2010 14:11
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I can't stand it when someone use's an apostrophe "s" to make a word plural. It drive's me nut's!
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11-10-2010 14:08 by SKP
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Feeling a little horny today. I think my check-engine light is ON.
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11-10-2010 13:50 by Pali
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My catholic priest molested your honor roll student.
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11-10-2010 13:44
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I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
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11-10-2010 13:40 by Kamerin
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MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!!! The fact that you have a "Baby on Board" sign in your back window does not exempt you from getting your ass rammed if you insist on driving 55mph in the left lane...regardless of the posted speed. You have been warned.
Happy Birthday USMC! Thank you to all our vets and active soldiers :)
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11-10-2010 13:38 by cece
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I just bought some Axe Body wash and now my balls are sqeeky clean too!
One for all and all of one..Translation- Every man for himself!!!