Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

   'Tis the season when we buy this year's gift with our next year's money...'

   This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you'd be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.

   My moral compass always gets me lost.

   My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?

   I don't care about your opinion enough to argue with you about anything.

   Why was Frosty so excited? He heard the snowblower was coming.

   This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

   Why doesn't Homeland Security call the new "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, "The National Tattle-Tell Campaign"?

   Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak english.

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin.

   I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

   Go to Google Translating tool. From English to French, translate "Take a Dirty Picture for me." Then Copy and Paste back into the box the French words and Translate from French to English.

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   If you have an album in your facebook photo page, titled...WeDdInG pHoToS!!!! You my have been too young to marry.

   ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal.

   It's so cold I actually saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets...

   Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.

   Unbeknownst to most theologians, there were actually four wise men. But he was turned away for bringing a fruit cake..

   Oooooooo the Patron.....yesterday my friend, today my enemy...