Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5428 of 6385
A reporter asked Philadelphia Eagles QB Micheal Vick what the biggest difference is between prison and the NFL. He replied, "In the NFL, I only have 11 guys I have to run away from that's trying to get my ass."
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11-17-2010 10:35 by Q
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If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first
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11-17-2010 10:35 by Orania
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I have been invited to a premature ejaculation society annual dinner.I asked about the dress code and they said "Just come in your pants."
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11-17-2010 10:11
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Booked into a hotel and as a man of God I said "Right young man, I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." The receptionist said "No, it's just normal porn you sick f*ck."
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11-17-2010 10:11
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Learn from the past, live for today, look for tomorrow, take a nap this afternoon.
Jimmy Kimmel has declared today "National UnFriend Day." Don't forget to UnFriend some non-friends today. Then tell your real friends how much you appreciate them!
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11-17-2010 10:06
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Facebook should just change the status question from "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?" ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`*:.☆
Nothing's funnier than a baffled senior citizen reading a slang word out loud.
Maybe early risers just aren't as awesome at sleeping as I am.
TSA Pat Downs. Stealing the Mile High Club's thunder since 2010.
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11-17-2010 09:56 by mps
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When someone asks you if these jeans make their butt look big...apparently "I don't know let me jog around back there and take a look" is the response you should give if you want things thrown at your head...
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11-17-2010 09:53
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Thank goodness my Internet is working again. I don't have all your mailing addresses.
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11-17-2010 09:25 by Aaron
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Why when I pump $20 worth of gas when I get to the 19th dollars it goes into retard mode and take 10 mintues for the last dollar
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11-17-2010 09:06 by zay
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I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
Does anyone know the over under on people getting trampled to death at the Great Wal-Mart of China next week?
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11-17-2010 08:13 by Hot Tea
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's sister asked if the dress she was wearing made her ass look big... I told her No!....it was all the crap she ate that made it look big
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11-17-2010 05:57
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Why do they call it “getting your dog fixed” if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
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11-17-2010 05:56
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Why are Softballs hard?
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11-17-2010 05:56
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Why is an alarm clock going “off” when it actually turns on?
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11-17-2010 05:53
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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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11-17-2010 05:51
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