Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5394 of 6386
Wife asks her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
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11-28-2010 15:14
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♪ ♫ ♬ Oh Christmas tree oh Christmas tree, you have more balls than me-ee. ♪ ♫ ♬
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11-28-2010 15:05
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Whenever I hand someone my camera to take a picture, they act like I'm asking them to pilot an alien spaceship. JUST PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON!
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11-28-2010 15:04
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I think I'm just gonna start hittin' on Facebook friends that I can't remember why were friends. This way I dont have to defriend them.
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11-28-2010 15:03
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Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, just in case.
The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it.
girlfriends don't cry.... thats just blackmail
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11-28-2010 14:13
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Even after creeping through all of your profile pictures, I still have no idea who you are or what you look like since there are 20 people in each of your photos.
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11-28-2010 13:35
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just made cranberry sauce vodka shots
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11-28-2010 13:28 by levon
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Between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, there is Sit on My Ass and Watch Football Sunday!
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11-28-2010 13:03
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Facebook is like jail you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
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11-28-2010 12:50
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I know a girl that's had so many guys that CSI refer to her as "DNA storage unit"...
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11-28-2010 12:42
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I had a really big hangover this morning. I sat on the edge of the bed naked.
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11-28-2010 12:39
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Being honest doesn't mean you tell your Grandmother her breath stinks.
I read that the first vibrator was created to cure women who had hysteria....So I guess they created the first vacuum hose to cure men high blood pressure...
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car....
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11-28-2010 10:23 by Grifter
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It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up...
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11-28-2010 10:22 by Grifter
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I went to a bookstore last night and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose....
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11-28-2010 10:21 by Grifter
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Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks....
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11-28-2010 10:18 by Grifter
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Reasons why Alcohol should be served at work...its an incentive to show up
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11-28-2010 08:31 by Sean
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