Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Watching movies alone sucks. There's no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
What do you call someone who can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle?........... Fat.
"'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. 'Sort of.' It's just a filler. 'Sort of' - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, 'sort of' means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'"
First love is when you meet in the moonlight and you find her lips pressed against yours. Married love is when you meet in the kitchen and she finds your trainers by the sink.
"The meaning of the word Islam is 'submission' or 'surrender'. Which makes it surprising that's it's not a more popular religion in France."
The American military now have so many warships that they're running out of patriotic and nostalgic names to call them. This culminates next month in the launch of the USS Fonzie."
Technically, shoplifting from the Apple store only counts as scrumping."
thinks its amazing how he just killed his catus by not watering it
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12-01-2010 06:30 by mr-magoo
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Our government is now blue/yellow. A bit like Ikea, except things from Ikea generally last 5 years
The uglier the girl the closer she lives.
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12-01-2010 06:24 by kibobi
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it is always much easier to get a woman if you already have one
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12-01-2010 03:30 by kibobi
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you cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women
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12-01-2010 03:28 by kibobi
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You look like the type of person who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
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12-01-2010 03:21 by ff1241
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If this were Lord of the Flies, you'd be dead already.
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12-01-2010 03:19 by ff1241
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Wish in one hand & crap in the other... See which gets filled first.
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12-01-2010 02:56 by Realist
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I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.
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12-01-2010 02:55 by ff1241
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Drinking is a problem only if you're not good at it. To me, everything you listed is proof that I am very good at it.”
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12-01-2010 02:54 by ff1241
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doesnt understand why some ppl are so sensitive to words...I guess there must be an essence of guilt behind those words,,,Get over it
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12-01-2010 01:50 by orania
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has hot water again...and a new found appreciation for her non plumber husband, who installed the HW heater perfectly...and looked kinda sexy with all that plumbers crack hangin out....hmmmm....think I'll go pollish his tool....!
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12-01-2010 01:41 by Orania
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wondering if anybody can send me some energy... not farmville energy .. or not frontierville energy.. just plain body energy
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12-01-2010 01:39 by orania
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