Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.
Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?
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12-05-2010 20:38
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it just me or everytime someone says "and one time" you are thinking "at band camp" in the back of your head...
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12-05-2010 20:14 by Dimples
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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12-05-2010 18:20 by Esoteric
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My parole officer heard I joined Facebook, so he came by and removed my house arrest ankle bracelet.... Because, really, where am I going?
This lady in front of me has more coupons than groceries!
You can go pretty much go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
I think the best thing about being in the house of a hoarder is that you can take stuff home with you and they would never even notice.
My naked girlfriend just fell on the floor as she was climbing into bed. 5 second rule?
Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world!
Join the fight against high heating cost by supporting your local heating assistance program. Change your profile pic to a pic of your cold nipples and together we can stop the winter cold. The goal is to turn Facebook into all nipples by Dec 21st.
Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.
♫♫♪♪ It's the most... wonderful time... for a beer ♪♪♫♫
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12-05-2010 16:45 by jz
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Relationships are like fat people... they just don't workout !!
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12-05-2010 15:22
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What's another word for synonym?
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12-05-2010 15:00
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Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
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12-05-2010 14:53
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Whoever keeps shaking the snowglobe.... "STOP!"
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12-05-2010 14:14 by Chris
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Seriously, someone needs to invent snacks in bags that don't make noise when you open them late at night.
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12-05-2010 13:33 by AJ
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It's the most... wonderful time... for a beer.
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12-05-2010 12:48 by Aaron
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Here's a picture of me with the band REM. That's me in the corner.