Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..

   You know times are tough when you receive a friend request on facebook from Tom Anderson (MySpace). I guess he is one of the 47% that got fired from MySpace!

   Just had the misfortune of watching some of MTV's "reality" shows...I'll take "Why the Mayan's decided to end it in 2012" for $1000.00 Alex....

   keep symbols for the symbol-minded

   What makes me so funny? My strict diet of sunshine and unicorn meat!

   just changed my boss's password on his computer to --> C : [Enter] # # #....yeah, I'm a smidge disgruntled...

   I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   If all this Global Warming keeps up, I think Atlanta may have to add to it's fleet of 8 snow-plows......

   Dear Zuckerberg: Please create a "Drama Queen" button = Like = Unlike = Drama Queen = Comment

   “I knew you'd be back.” -The Drawing Board

   You know your'e getting old when you think an XBOX is where you keep your divorce papers.

   I just don't see how a two peckered billy goat can be that productive...jus' sayin'

   you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture

   I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   really thinks there should be an option on Facebook to 'like' someone's status but not be reminded every single time someone replies on it!

   It's 11/1/11 11:11:11 P.M.

   I was a mess when she left again...tears flowing, snot running, skin burning...I have GOT to stop buying her pepper spray....

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?

   A Super-size Extra Value Meal!!!