Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5351 of 6386
Know how I know there's no such thing as soy milk? Because there's no soy titty, is there?
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12-14-2010 11:15
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When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left
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12-14-2010 11:09
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Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks.
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12-14-2010 11:09
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Women get $5000.00 for donating eggs. Men get fifty bucks for donating sperm. Fifty bucks? I got a towel next to the bed that's worth $200,000.00
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12-14-2010 10:55
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Getting a fat girl drunk is expensive, it's like filling up a Winnebago with super unleaded.
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12-14-2010 10:54
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The Christmas package of Wild Turkey now comes with bail money and pants.
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12-14-2010 10:49
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WoW. Think about that word. WoW backwards is WoW. And WoW upside down is MoM. And MoM upside down is dad's favorite thing
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12-14-2010 09:48
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Tis the season again, the first snow! Please let me say to all idiots who think that since they have an SUV you somehow gain super powers and are invincible, TIRES ON ICE ARE TIRES ON ICE your 4x4 this doesn't stop you from sliding on ice you morons!
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12-14-2010 09:37
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Did I accidentally log into the Grand Wizards Facebook profile page this morning?
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12-14-2010 09:07
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Sorry To Hear The Size Of Your Snow Angel Made You Realize You Need To Go To The Gym.
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12-14-2010 08:55
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Beginning to think that Al Gore is lying about global warming
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12-14-2010 02:21 by Eddy
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Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
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12-14-2010 02:05
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I just want it to snow already! I'm dying to make snow angels face down!
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12-14-2010 00:54
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White girls get pregnant and get their own season of 16 and Pregnant but when Black girls get pregnant they get 30 minutes of Maury.
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12-14-2010 00:39 by Q
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Favorite Animal is Grey Goose
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12-14-2010 00:36 by Eric
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Been married for 3 months now, when is it appropriate to start leaving the bathroom door open when taking a dump?
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12-14-2010 00:32
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Just went out to my neighbors front yard and wrote "Merry Christmas" in his yard by pissing in the snow
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12-14-2010 00:29
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Waking up with morning wood is normal, but trying to piss with morning wood is an adventure.
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12-14-2010 00:21
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Beware of the toes you step on today. They could be attached to the ass you may have to kiss tomorrow.
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12-13-2010 23:21
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I remember when I was young and couldn't wait to grow up so I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted... Ask me how's that working' out?(OK,hun. I won't forget the trashman comes to tomorrow.) Gotta go Facebook my chores aren't done yet..
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12-13-2010 23:09
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