Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wish life could be simple like the good ol' days. Like page 756!

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   Shhhhhhhhhhh, you had me at "open bar" :-)

   Jordan says, "I'm devastated, Alex has left a gaping hole in my life." Come off it Katie that's been there since your early teens!

   I want to shoot and eat a lion. Not for his meat. But for his powers.

   i want to be a bird so dat I can poop anywhere and on anyone I want

   In Vegas, Charlie Sheen was hanging out with 3 porn stars.. Good to see he's trying to cut back.

   lets play a game. I will be Burger King and you be McDonalds. I'll have it my way and you will be lovin' it!

   Its not a hangover - its wine flu.

   Dear "Slim Fast" -- You aren't fast enough.

   I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

   Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex boyfriend I will be there lol

   i cant get addicted I use a bong it filters all the addictive stuff....dale pinapple express

   I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....

   Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

   use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for solitaire.

   You see all this snow and complain, I see potential for filling my bathtub with it and chilling many beers for a party!

   After all these years of impotence, on my headstone I want it to read, "Stiff At Last"

   I truly hope that we will all be friends until we are all old and senile...Then we can be NEW friends!!

   looks like I picked the wrong week to quit Facebook.