Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5349 of 6386
The guy to convince the first blind man he needed Sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman.
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12-15-2010 04:57
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I work as a waiter and love it when people ask "How do you prepare the chicken?"I always reply "We tell it straight, you gonna die
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12-15-2010 04:48
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Larry King is getting his 8th divorce; Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time; Britney Spears had a 55 hour marriage; Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING; yet the idea of same-sex marriage is going to destroy the insti
Dear Status, I'm not sure if I should keep (up)dating you any more. You've changed, and I'm not sure if I'll like it.
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12-15-2010 01:29
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me ;-)
Destiny may decide who touches your Life ~ Your heart may decide who touches your Soul ~ But...Tequila decides who touches your body
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12-14-2010 22:46
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I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get off the couch or I'll die
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12-14-2010 22:43
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it's a status....not your diary...
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12-14-2010 22:40
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Sweet and sour chicken; how can it be both? Come on...let's get real, China.
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12-14-2010 22:36
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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
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12-14-2010 22:35
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Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you're bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there's anything good, but nothing ever changes.
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12-14-2010 22:34
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(comment is abusive and offensive and has been removed by Facebook)
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12-14-2010 22:14
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Watching the Biggest Loser Finale. Hate it when they jump up and down after the results. Holy chicken wings...yuck!
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12-14-2010 22:09
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Note to self condoms are NOT Machine Washable
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12-14-2010 21:57
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Bacon is bacon; eggs is eggs; dont let them boys between your legs; they'll say your cute; they'll say your fine; 9 months later they'll say it ain't mine
Instead of a holiday letter summarizing all I've done this year, I'm going to print out all my Facebook status updates and stuff them in the cards... much easier.
Within every clean house is a room with a closed door containing a large pile of miscellaneous crap that someone just tossed in there.
We are seeing some hard times. Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to just one Ho!
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12-14-2010 21:26
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Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don't want to see flying at my face.
If this phone were really smart, it wouldn't let certain people call me.