Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dennis Leary is my calm inner voice.

   Everyone relax - astrology is still total bullsh*t.

   When I was young, we had to walk outside to find out what the weather was like

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

   I remember the days when we actually used our phones to talk to each other.

   gonna make a bundle in zodiac tattoo removal!!!!

   Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.

   Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

   1.Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

   Life should come with more opportunities to shove peoples faces in cake.

   How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

   "AGAIN?!" - Me, every morning.

   Every hero has that villain to keep them going.

   Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   Five bucks says I'm totally broke.

   The best feeling of the day is getting into bed, the worst feeling of the day is getting out of bed.

   Note to self: "Bring sexy back"

   My ego persuades me to be a lot more confident than I should be.

   I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.

   Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.