Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

   Spell procrastination : F.A.C.E.B.O.O.K.

   Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Life is a beach, i'm just playing in the sand.

   Oregon Football team has made great strides over their break. They've gone from smelling the highlighters to just coloring on themselves.

   with the birds dying in arkansas...and the eagles in philly..and the ducks tonight I think its safe to say the Aflockalpse has begun..

   Lets go Ducks! (Even if Auburn wins, in 2-3 years they will have title stripped anyway.)

   Back in my day they never shut our school down for snow.. They just moved the school and made us walk further..

   irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

   I know I'm drunk when it takes me longer than three seconds to figure out what's happening when I walk through a fan blowing air at me

   No one wants to work. Work sucks, it's just that eating thing we all like to do

   Legally,It's questionable. Morally,It's disgusting. Personally,I like it.

   The US president should have lead the country today in a moment of PRAYER; then out of respect for the 6 people who lost their lives and the 19 people wounded, the non-believers could have exercised their right to SILENCE.

   Why do men complain about women nagging when it could all be solved so easily? DO IT THE FIRST TIME WE ASK!

   believes insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it. ツ

   snow on da ground, snow on da ground, lookin' like a fool with yo car spun around.

   you wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.

   will not discriminate against the following: race, religion, sex, or creed. However UGLY... I have to draw the line somewhere!