Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5339 of 6386
I'm going to make Christmas cookies with dog bone cookie cutters & see if anyone eats them this year!!!
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12-19-2010 14:48
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I went for a walk on the beach with this chick I liked, and we came across this dead bird. I said, "Eew look at that dead bird!" She looked UP and said, "Where??" I didnt call her again after that. :|
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12-19-2010 14:46
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Sorry to hear about the whole “losing your mind thing.” But I know you pretty well and I don't think you'll miss it.
Updating my resume... What's a fancy way to say, "I haven't done anything for the past 6 months?"
The guy next to me just ordered a shot of Jacks Daniels and a chaser of Italian dressing. I can't decide if he's crazy or a genius.
At the grocery store, they usually have 6 check out lanes open, unless it's really busy, then they only use one.
our life should be like a COMPUTER so we can maintain it by keeping only useful files n delete or format the corrupted files
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12-19-2010 13:41
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Florida school board shooter's wife says husband 'misunderstood'. Yeah, he misunderstood how to aim.
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12-19-2010 13:27
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Q: What has any single homosexual in the military done that Newt Gingrich, Mitch McConnell and Jon Kyl never have? A: Serve.
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12-19-2010 13:26
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Michael Vick says he wants a dog someday. Which is a little bit like John Wayne Gacy saying he'd someday like to have a teenage boy.
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12-19-2010 13:25 by me40299
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Rumor has it that Wikileaks was on the verge of disclosing what Willis was talkin' 'bout.
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12-19-2010 13:25 by me40299
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I finally found something Sarah Palin and I have in common. We've both failed Trig.
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12-19-2010 13:24 by me40299
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What does it mean when a girl calls you 2 or 3 times every single day? I mean aside from the fact that she works for MasterCard™.
Just read that California leads the nation in depression cases and adultery. ....What a sad state of affairs.
"Heaven is where the Police are British, the Chefs are French, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.
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12-19-2010 11:53
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Try this, the next time your friend is drunk, switch his/her mom's number with their girlfriend/boyfriend's...
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12-19-2010 11:37 by Kelevra
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- Why is it that if a guy proposes to a girl and she's refuses it's called 'wanting her freedom' and when a girl proposes to a guy and he refuses, it's called 'being scared of commitment'. =|
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12-19-2010 11:32 by BeeTee
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Ctrl+V...Ruining every sense of originality since its invention.
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12-19-2010 11:15 by Kelevra
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OK Santa I followed your stupid rules all year...it was hard not killing anyone or punching anyone in the face but I did it.....so If Milla Jovovich isn't under my tree this year you'll be first on the hit list Fat Man!
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12-19-2010 10:55
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I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email
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12-19-2010 08:41 by Danny
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