Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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lost it now by the fact that for years guys psyche have been bombarded by the eternal equation.."Girls like Teddy bears"..and now after a lot of efforts over the years when I am near that figure..all of a sudden six pack phenomenon kicks in...Damn you B
Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
If you see a fat man who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red velvet suit, if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh, with 9 tiny reindeer pulling him along, then you have to face it your eggnog's too strong
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12-24-2010 07:45 by will
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Mrs Claus must get quite lonely this time of year. Hmm...think I'll take a ride up to the north pole tonight. ;0)
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12-24-2010 07:17
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What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!
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12-24-2010 07:09 by will
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My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.
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12-24-2010 06:46 by Will
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Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles
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12-24-2010 06:36 by Wayne G.
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I wish people would understand I only sing when I'm drunk and that little shot of wine in church just doesn't cut it.
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12-24-2010 04:07 by ff1241
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And the Lord said unto John, "Come fourth and receive eternal life..." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
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12-24-2010 03:52 by one
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says Happy Christmas to all Canadians and Marry Hanukkah to my fellow Americans.
Some women talk way too much. Sometimes I wish they can run out of minutes like cell phones. Her - "Let me tell you something else..." You - "Haha, You can only talk on nights and weekends now!"
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12-24-2010 00:28 by Kelevra
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Ladies if you wanna get yo man a tie this Christmas thats fine...Just make sure you are wearing tie with nothing else on when you give it too him...
Don't you just hate when people put things in their status that you really didn't wanna know? I hate that. Anyways, I gotta go poop
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12-23-2010 21:02
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Crazy? I was crazy once. My parents locked me in a round room and told me to sit in the corner. Corner? I couldn't find a corner! That bugged me. Bugs? I hate bugs. They drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once...
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12-23-2010 20:36 by Esoteric
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finding the Christmas spirit, now if only I can find someone who is in the giving mood to pay
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12-23-2010 20:07 by smeebert
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Peter Griffin is clearly half Irish and half Ballchinian.
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12-23-2010 19:41
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One typo and suddenly I was late waxing up for work this morning!
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12-23-2010 19:29
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When it comes to practicing the theory of "There are plenty fish in the sea", I tend to practice catch and release.
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12-23-2010 19:25
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setting up a trap to capture Santa when he comes down my chimney tomorrow. I figure he will bring a hefty ransom from the world! Mmmmuuahhhaaha...
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12-23-2010 19:17
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I'd don't cheat...I merely adjust the rules to my advantage as the game is being played.
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12-23-2010 18:59
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