Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in the shower this morning, I noticed that one of my nipples was a different color than the other two....is that normal?

   Today's lunch: Redman and Dr. Pepper..slimy yet satisfying.

   Patience is not a virtue, its a waste of time.

   A little advie: Never EVER buy sushi from the home shopping network.

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   Facebook: making stalkers life easier since 2004

   ( . )Y( . ) ........get your mind out the gutter ,its only homer simpsons eyes....

   Attended a group exercise class using Shake Weights. We had trouble getting our rhythm at first but we finally all came together at the end.

   If google is great why cant I find my sanity??

   Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women.

   The word bed looks like a bed

   Bowling naked is fun! Course it helps to have to have an empty nest and a Wii;-)

   Sonny Corleone would still be alive today if he'd had a pike pass.

   My parents told me I could be anything I wanted. I've finally decided. . . I want to be 21 again.

   Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask myself: "Is this all there is?" And then I hear a little voice that says: "What kind of question is that?"

   I just wish once someone would call me "Sir". . . without adding, "You're making a scene."

   Ilistening to country music and reminiscing about all of the bad things. . . all of the sad things that never happened to me.

   Yesterday my wife brought home a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. The title of it is. . . "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong"

   Happiness is cruising in the fast lane, maybe just a smidge over the limit, and the cop car right behind you, that you hadn't noticed, turning his overheads on. . . and immediately crossing over the median to go after some poor slob going the other way:-)

   It's FRIDAY!!! CARPE SCROTUM . . . seize the day by the balls!!!