Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5320 of 6386
I have a sudden urge to go skiing........water skiing......in the Caribbean
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12-28-2010 09:38
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Had a cold this morning so I took an Aleve-D and washed it down with an AMP energy drink. Judging by the way I feel, I am fairly certain my body converted to two into meth!
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12-28-2010 09:13 by Michael
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I'm sorry ________, that model D83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine you wanted is still on back order.
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12-28-2010 09:12
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thinks whoever invented new year resolutions would have sworn every year that he wished he hadn't...
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12-28-2010 09:10 by SH
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I would have to disagree... I don't believe a witches tit is this cold....
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12-28-2010 09:08
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Call from telemarker with a hot sexy voice = No need for internet porn today!
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12-28-2010 09:03
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unscrewing a bottle of his favorite wine...Chateau Libido! ;)
placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others! Until then, don't piss me off because I have nothing to lose being in Time Out already!"
I can't recall one time in my entire life that I've answered a phone call from a "restricted" number and then said, "Wow, I'm glad I answered that"
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12-27-2010 22:13
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If Facebook and porn were made illegal, it would free up a good 10 hours of my life every day
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12-27-2010 21:29
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I am so against picketing, I just don't know how to show it
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12-27-2010 20:56
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I have hit the level of FB addiction that, when determining the successfulness of my day, I factor in how many 'likes' I got on my posts. Yesterday was 93. That's one I'll tell the grandchildren about some day. :-)
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12-27-2010 20:43
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Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.
Look at your status. Now back to mine. Now back to yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on F
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12-27-2010 19:32
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Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA!" right before the sneeze
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12-27-2010 19:31
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they should change the name of Rock Band to 'Drunken Family karaoke Failure'
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12-27-2010 17:34 by levon
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Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.
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12-27-2010 15:44 by Heather25
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I think I am going to make my own beer. I'll call it Responsibly, that way competitors will do all my advertising. Please drink Responsibly!
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12-27-2010 15:27 by Heather25
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Your igloo or mine?
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12-27-2010 14:51
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I don't have anything against your religion, as long as you don't come knocking on my door to tell me about it.
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12-27-2010 14:48 by Quinn
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