Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't completely hate on Valentine's Day since its ending signifies the beginning of Cadbury Egg season, one of the greatest seasons EVER!

   Starbucks isn't really that expensive when you you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup...

   Whats the over/under on mentions of Favre during tonight's broadcast? Ah, it doesn't matter I'll take the over on that regardless. Its nearly a sure thing. .

   I was asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in Egypt, but I suspect it's some sort of pyramid scheme.

   Write down your crush's name on a piece of paper. Then eat the piece of paper. Don't post this, because nothing will happen. Tomorrow morning, you may be sick from eating the piece of paper..

   "Don't worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea!" - Err, who the hell would want to date a fish? O.o

   hehe every needs to laugh once a day to stay healthy

   when the room gets quiet I say things like "im a bannana":)

   the only thing your "pajama jeans" match is your "sketcher's shape-ups"

   Don't do anything you're going to regret in the morning. Or at least leave before regret wakes up!

   Going to Mexico next month and my buddies suggested I take my lady to a donkey show. Cool! We both love those Shrek movies. Thanks for the suggestion guys!

   Its snowing again! Oh don't worry I will be posting fresh photos soon because I know you all love that!

   uh huh you know what it is.. green and yellow.. green and yellow..

   Listen, I don't take my clothes off for anyone, even if it IS "artistic."

   When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

   Who doesn't deserve a spanking now and again?

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the time I was the age I am now.

   I love smiling at random people. Some of them smile back. Some of them get really creeped out, but that makes it worth it.

   If your boyfriend gets you flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day, it's because he was saving money to get his real girlfriend jewelry.

   Sure, sure, Egypt . . you started a revolution with a facebook page. But have you stopped child abuse by changing your profile pic to a cartoon character for a week? Yeah, didn't think so. Go America!