Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   was stopped outside BOOTS chemist by a woman with a clipboard who asked "Can I ask you what products you use for grooming" you should have seen the look on her face when I replied "Sure... Haribo Sweets, Internet Chatrooms and a Small Puppy"

   Just moved the dog's bed to vacuum underneath and found a stack of pics of people's legs.

   Just think, the one for you is walking the earth right now! Probably in a zoo somewhere

   Tell your friends that the F5 key puts photos back the way they were on facebook:)

   V-day trick: Put a "I belong to (your name)" keychain in a ring box from Kay's and give it to your girlfriend. She will love it!

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.

   I really am glad those Egypt people got they freedom....But let a Mo Fo hit me with a rock and wez gonna have some problems....

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   do not go to Jareds...he's creepy.   He had no diamonds....just a huge pair of jeans that smelled like sandwiches and folds and folds of SKIN!

   single for Valentine's again this year. I think my skin is the wrong color...women seem to like diamond skin now a days.

   did not go to Jared. But did put my entire tax refund in my savings account again.

   with in a minute, ____________ will be the first person to "like" this post because he is always on line and always is the first one.

   Sad truth: He goes to Jared, she goes to a pawn shop in about 7 years.

   Just in case you are wondering....I did not go to Jared.

   I had a couple of those drinks last night called Mind Erasers. They must have done the trick because I can't remember anything from 1 am till just now!

   having a Valentine's Eve party for those that need to have a good time before tomorrow comes.

   Hey Facebook...if its not broke, don't fix it!! The new photo viewer sucks!

   Talking and speaking are entirely different things. So are hearing and listening.

   If a guy treats a girl like dirt, she'll stick to him like mud!