Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Royal Mail are releasing stamps of famous prostitutes. They cost 20p each but if you lick them it's 45p.

   So when your sexting...do you get a phoner?

   Actually has a dai off tomorrow? Wow, it's been so long I can't even remember how to spell it

   If you're a cannibal does that make every fight a food fight?

   If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.

   man falls out of a deer stand and dies...and people say...he died doing what he loved to do....which was falling out of trees?

   Real cases, real people, real emotional abuse....JUDGE JUDY

   My grandma and your grandma were sitting by the fire, my grandma pushed your grandma right in the fire...that's just how she rolls.

   A t.v. christian dating site commercial : Hey Christians, want to be in a meaningful relationship? ...whoa whoa whoa...arent they IN a MEANINGFUL relationship...with GOD?

   I'll have a cheeseburger, minus the burger, cheese, bread, and add tequila

   A school in Kentucky is going to start teaching the Bible in the class room.....yea that's great...but I didn't know anyone in Kentucky knew how to read.

   Whenever I say, "I don't mean that in a bad way"... yeah, I probably do.

   Democrats...Republicans...News Media....Racial tension....let's put the blame where it belongs....THANKS EVE, HAVE "ANOTHER " APPLE !!!!!

   remember when cops really wanted to PROTECT and SERVE and teachers really wanted to EDUCATE children? I miss the 1800's

   Poor Snooki, Charlie Sheen wouldnt even hit that.

   Wisconsin 0...Gov. Walker 1....now go home and put your cheese head hats on.

   FOR SALE: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Talked to Mom tonight. She said she got a good 8 inches in Albany tonight. God I hope she's talking about snow...

   I think the guy in the Trojan personal messager commercial is way too happy that his girl friend got 3 of them