Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's Mardi Gras and International Women's Day. Now, which one of you b*tches wants to earn some beads?

   Q: How many drugs did Charlie Sheen take? A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   It's International Womens Day and I don't know why men are so upset . They have their own day too : Palm Sunday.

   MARDI GRAS!!! Because who doesn't love pancakes and tequila!!!

   You look just like Natalie Portman, only without the good looks.

   9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me to pull the trigger. The 10th one says RELOAD!

   I still say the gas stations should play some porn on their Pump TV's , might as watch something good while I am being screwed at the pump.

   This must be the has been edition of celebrity apprentice.

   I think Charlie Sheen should be asked to be on "Dancing with the Stars"... that would be a TRAIN WRECK...

   Happy International Women's Day, the world doesn't turn without us!!

   I want to wish all the women out there a Happy International Woman's Day!! I plan on celebrating it by giving money to Charity...and Candy...and Mercedes...and the other one usually on stage 4...

   Sorry, I meant to, but life happened.

   it really Women's day and Fat Tuesday on the same day?

   I've always had an over active imagination. Like one time I found myself drowning in an ocean made out of tango, it took me a while to work out it was just a fanta sea.

   Hey Obama, I could really use that "change" right now! I'm at the gas pump and could really use some extra quarters!!

   The least they can do while screwing me at the gas pump is to pull my hair!!!

   I was getting ready for a costume party, and tried leaving the house in my boxers holding a bottle of wine, my gf asked me what are you doing, I said I am going as Charlie Sheen..

   Be sure to drink your Charliesheen!

   the New Jersey Devils are winning at a pace that would make Charlie Sheen envious