Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5141 of 6446

Dear Mapquest: Why not start with driving direction #5; I am pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood...
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03-14-2011 21:31
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Charlie Sheen is releasing his own cologne called Winning. I hear it smells like cocaine, rum, and hookers.
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03-14-2011 21:14 by CChild
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texting people and asking for their phone number.
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03-14-2011 20:44
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I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Apparently....Charlie Sheen is now suing the tsunami that hit Japan for replacing him as the biggest disaster on TV.

if you dont know what something is, dont ask on a facebook comment to let everyone know how stupid you are. if ur an idiot, the google search is ur friend
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03-14-2011 19:44
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Japan`s earthquake shifted the earths axis by 10cm. It`s not much but we are well on our way to our toilets flushing counter-clockwise!
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03-14-2011 19:33 by Matt
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like a good neighbor state farm is there....with the winning lotto numbers
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03-14-2011 19:30 by Eddy
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Some lady, said I was like a cuddly big bear.... Funny, I was just thinking about scrimmaging through some trash cans and mauling some hikers. -_-

When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
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03-14-2011 19:12
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Man with the Oil Spills and now the Nuclear Meltdowns we are gonna blow up this planet one day...I'm thinking bout packin my sh^t and moving to another planet..Which planet did the 3 boobs lady live on in the movie "Total Recall"??

Dang, these gas prices are higher than Charlie Sheen.
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03-14-2011 18:44 by hovo
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Daylight savings is the lamest form of time travel.
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03-14-2011 18:44 by hovo
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Ever notice that "What the Hell" is always the right decision?

I got Adonis DNA.....Just check my bed sheets! WINNING!
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03-14-2011 18:00 by COOLNESS
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I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part of.

I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.
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03-14-2011 15:41 by SEAN
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Libyan uprising, Japan quake/tsunami, impending nuclear reactor(s) metdown -- BUSH'S FAULT
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03-14-2011 15:25
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If athletes wear 'JUST DO IT' shirts...do drug dealers wear 'JUST SELL IT' shirts?

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.