Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see, "May cause extreme sexiness."

   Helpful advice for people: Don't be a douche.

   My theory on Marriage, Why pay for internet when WiFi is free.

   If you're not wearing green right now, shuffle your feet on the carpet and touch the screen to receive your "virtual pinch".

   Drinking green beer makes you no more Irish, than drinking tiger's blood makes you a blubbering, coked-out douchebag….oh….wait….

   I can't tell if its the acid I dropped or the green beer I've been drinking since 12:30 a.m., but there are Leprechauns everywhere!! HAPPY PAT'S DAY LASSIES!!!

   just recieved a letter in the mail from Jerry Springer asking me to be a guest on his show.... This cant be good

   Thx Burger King breakfast for letting me experience Prison Food!

   McDonalds is growing up! They dumped Ronald and I hear they are planning to add an adult toy to their value meals.

   The difference between St. Patrick's Day and Black History Month, is that on St. Patrick's Day....people want to pretend they are Irish....

   Happy Leprechaun Appreciation Day!

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   Without Facebook, I probably wouldn't have wished you a happy birthday. ツ

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   Here's something that could revolutionize St. Patrick's Day -- green Pepto-Bismol.

   Happy St Patrick's Day, the day when everybody gets together and pretends they're Irish. Except the Irish -- they pretend they're sober.

   kiss me I'm Irish, and slip me some tongue cause I think there's a lil french in there too

   Follow your dreams......except those weird ones!

   May the road stay straight when the driving is up to you May you not get pulled over after you have thrown back a few May the sun rise and not find you still flat on you face And may the rain hold off until you can crawl into your place Cheers.

   A Gingerbread man is a perfect man, he's cute, he's sweet & if he gives you any crap, you can bite his head off,