Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The voices in my head got mad and stopped speaking to me...now I'm bored

   If they gave out awards for laziness, I would send somebody to accept it for me.

   I've been calling this random number asking for John all day with diffrent voices.. When I get home I'm going to call him back and say "this is John, do I have any messages"..

   I'm saving my April fools joke for tomorrow. No one will see them coming...... ; )

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   It's not how many woman you know, but how well you know woman

   Im not sure if its your bday or not so I'll give you a HAPPY and maybe send the BIRTHDAY later

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!" Looks like Ground Hog season is starting early this year.. Lock and load!

   MSNBC is reporting that iguanas and other lizards near Japan are showing signs of radioactive saliva during normal excretion. I told you Godzilla was coming didn't I!?

   Happy and in a good place this morning. Now... If only I could remember how the hell I got here!!!

   Just got pulled over for going 73mph in a 55mph. After the 20 min lecture the Officer said he was giving me a warning as he handed me a slip to sign... I looked at him puzzled so he says "April Fools!"...jerk

   telling your girlfriend you have the herp is not a good april fools joke. Now I'm single

   To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength.To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage. Personaly, I do drugs instead.

   I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p. I've adjusted the price to cover inflation.

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!"

   The ultimate feeling of opening a jar that everyone else struggled with......Ohhh Yeeaaaa!!

   I poured milk on my Cheerios this morning and they turned into Fruit Loops......But hey, there is no need for concern : )

   rain rain go away, thats what all my haters say

   Dude next to me at the urinal yesterday definitely had sugar smacks for breakfast! Dam you sense of smell!

   After all the complaints, Facebook finally decided to make a "dislike" button. April fools. We're still stuck with only the "like" button.