Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   LADIES: If you don't know ur own worth and value...then do NOT expect someone else to calculate it for u.

   If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   Damn the government is about to shut down, radio active water in the sea, and the real kicker no NFL.... Yep, Nostradamus is laughing somewhere

   So let me get this right, the government is going to shut down Friday at midnight, and our soldiers will not get paid. The idiots in congress will still get their money? Where is the sense in that?

   "That's what." -She

   wonders if  regular squirrels get mad at their parents  when they see a flying squirrel?

   wondering if I can count the voices in my head as dependents on my taxes.

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart??

   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead??

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole...

   Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas.

   wondering if the goverment shuts down does that mean we will no longer have to pay taxes?t

   When the Zombies rise, you will be safe. They like to eat brains, and clearly you do not have any!!!!

   wondering if the White house will have a going out of business sale?

   Want to see Congress meet the budget deadline? Lion cages with doors set to release at 12AM. Lock all the doors. Watch the cooperation.

   Everytime a politician says, "my friends on the other side of the aisle," God kills a kitten.

   wishing he had a million dollars so he could buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat . that would cruel.

   God grant me the serenity to accept that My Kids will always Drive me Crazy; courage to change their evil ways when I can; and wisdom to know When to walk away So I Wont ring Their neck

   worst pain ever!.... just slipped, did the splits, and ripped my gooch!