Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mistakes- We all make them but we don't always apologize for them. Sometimes it's pride, sometimes it's stupidity and sometimes we don't think we did anything wrong, but if we're not careful we might end up being sorry one way or another.

   I think I need to buy my husband a box of tampons

   the one thing that annoys me about Disney films is that inanimate objects don't break out into song and dance nowhere near as much as they do in the films and when they do no one else is around to see. 

   I think it would be cool to actually see a tornado before I die, just not RIGHT before.

   When I say, "I never do that"...what I mean is "I haven't done that in the past five minutes."

   ppl dying, couples fighting just alot of unhappy ppl out there! Its times like this we need to tell the ppl we care bout the most we love them! Just stop what ur doing call ur girl, man, moms, dad or whoever & tell them you love them!

   I will respect any religion you practice as long as you don't knock on my door and tell me about it.

   Happy National Caramel Day everyone!

   The DJ played The Twist I did the twist. He played Jump I jumped. He played Come on Eileen...He called the cops.

   My maths teacher asked me what comes after 69? Apparently "I do" is not the correct answer

   Life without bears would be unbearable‏

   ■Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who a good boy is

   ■The best way to get rid of a telemarketer is to ask them what they are wearing

   There's nothing more exhilarating than playing air drums sitting on your throne...

   What's the big deal about the Southwest Airlines planes and a fuselage tear? I love a convertible.

   My mother always told me that a good man is hard to find. By that logic Bin Laden is the finest man to have ever lived.

   I typed an essay in Word about a concerned Bugs Bunny. I then saved it as 'Whats Up.doc'

   I just had an email saying "You may be entitled to £3750 for that accident you had." It must have been pretty bad, I can't even remember it happening.

   clocks visible at work should be banned. I can't stop glancing back at it after every task I complete. Its now 10:36

   In life you don't have to have a certain number of friends, you just need a number of friends you can be certain of.