Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
"The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self lubricating. It takes any size pistonAnd it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so tempermental." 
Conscience is that inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.
t pisses you off when your wife gets pregnant,everyone rubs her belly & says "congrats!" but nobody rubs your d*ck & says "Good Job!"
The Comedy Awards is on tonight, don't know what category it would be in but the Rebecca Black video needs to be nominated for SOMETHING!
Clearly - Tiger Woods is getting laid again......
Tiger's best 18 holes since Elin found out about the other 18 holes he was playing...
April Fools' Day was the worst day ever to have a heart attack
Never say never...Unless someone asks if you're going to see the new Justin Bieber film
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass
Friends don't let friends get tagged in pictures which can cause breakups.
My internet is so slow today that it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
My sister came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her. So I hit her over the head with my Playstation.
I don't give a crap, But If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to
Why is it so hard for to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
BREAKING NEWS: Two cars had an accident in Mexico. 40 people died
You know your ugly when my dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
BOB THE BUILDER CAN WE FIX IT! Bob: ummm not right now I'm on facebook
My Internet was down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. They are so fu*kin irresponsible
Dealing with haters is all about mind over matter. I don't mind cuz you don't matter. 