Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.

   I haven't dated Miss Right yet, but I have dated Miss Guided, Miss Directed, Miss Conduct, Miss Fire, Miss Demeanor, & Miss Ellaneous.

   I like sleeping with deaf women because I can shout out any name I want to.

   I figured out a great way to pick up women. I painted my car to look like a taxi.

   - you know life is hard when gas prices are higher than your GPA!!

   Drunk sayings = Sober thoughts

   wondering what Canadians do for fun between elections?

   I think tonight I'm gonna work on my grammar... Gonna see if I can get drunk enough to type in cursive...

   I'm kinda bored...I think I'm gonna go hang this 'No U-Turn' sign in a cul-de-sac somewhere.

   The hardest part of growing old is watching my kids grow old...

   sleepy, wish I was a air traffic controler so I can catch up on my rest...

   I swear I have more hair on the left side of my head. That's weird.

   I like the night sky more than anything else in this world, its the only place where chaos is so peaceful.

   Silence is a girl's loudest cry. You can always tell she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you.

   I can't wait 'til I'm rich enough to throw things away that accidentally fall in the toilet.

   If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wonders.

   At what point does Wonder Woman go Google things to know about them instead of only wondering and turn into Know-It-All Woman?

   Press the F13 button to get a surprise! Yeah that's right ;-)

   FAA= Fell Asleep Again

   99 years ago today, the heroic captain guided his brand new ship, the Titanic, head long into an iceberg to help and try and save at least a few hundred future great grand kids of all the passengers from having to listen to Justin Beiber 98 years later...