Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
nothing more say's you are a facebook stalker. Then updating your status with a girls name. When you meant to put it in the search box. 
I'm A Serial Poker >:DD
Why does the Pope mobile have bulletproof glass? If the Pope is afraid to die, what chance does anyone else have!
I never point fingers but if you look at my toes... they're fully indicating whose a f*cking liar.
If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.
Every girl has 3 guys in her life: one she loves, one she hates, and the one she can't live without. But in the end, it's the same guy!
Girls have a bad habit of holding on for too long. Guys have a bad habit of letting go too easily.
Single guys need to get a fake ring. I've been hit on more in the last year since I have been married than in a LONG time. You women are scandalous, making me buy a bigger memory card for my contact list and all. Geesh!!!
Mutton Chops will never go out of style in my eyes.
It's amazing how much more money I have when I'm drunk.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
Today is National Marijuana Day. A day when…uh…wow, Wolf Blitzer is SO funny.
NEWS FLASH: 2 air traffic controllers fired for sleeping on the job, someone might want to wake them up to tell them the news.......
The best part about fighting is the make uo sex? Well, unless that argument involves your parents.
I watched Abc's show 'Happy Ending'....totally not what I expected. It was a regular show. WTF! haha!!!!(mood:cheated)
sometimes I fill my blow up doll with helium so she plays hard to get.
Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mu-FASA
If you google “MySpace” your computer will ask “Are you serious right now?”
Nothing like an old high school crush finding you & friending you on Facebook because he needs cows or some crap for Farmville. 