Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"

   Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!"

   You really don't know a person until you realize they don't know how to spelle

   Osama's diary found?  "Dear Diary, Had an OK day hiding here in the compound.  Watched some CNN.  2 of my 3 wives are on the rag, so that's a drag.  Well, that's all for now. Bye, Osama "

   Dear Google, You bring up millions of results, if I don't see what I want on the first page, I asume it's not there Sincerely EVERYONE.

   If Facebook really did have a dislike button.. some serious drama would go down

   Dear hookers & strippers, What is "bring your kid to work" day like? Sincerely, curious

   If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.

   Don't call me lazy unless you've walked a mile in my slippers

   I had my cell phone ring changed to a loud sneeze. That way, not only do I not offend those around me, they actually bless me whenever anyone calls.

   I'm proud of my decision to never attempt to run any marathon.

   I wish that I could record my dreams and watch them later.

   I sure hopes they're wrong about the world ending in 2012. I'd hate to think I wasted the last couple years of my life on Facebook with you guys ;)

   You should see how fast I can go from hardcore gangsta to Irish folk singer when my ipod jumps from Jay-Z to The Swell Season.

   I'm perfectly sane. Everyone else however is insane and trying to steal my magic bag.

   In this bright future you can't forget your past. - Bob Marley, RIP

   I would be unstoppable if I could just get started.

   im no gynecologist...but I'll take a look ;)

   Are you guys really my friends or are you just my facebook friends?"

   Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an A$$!"