Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i see you poked me, does that mean your dtf?

   SMH... you don't know which head I'm talking about now do you.

   Not all relationships are meant to last the distance. Some are just practice for the one that does.

   whats the point of being nice if it goes unnoticed.

   Stupidity comes in all shapes, sizes, flavors and colors.

   Just learned my (now broken) phone is NOT a transformer... Evidently, "Airplane mode" doesn't mean $H!^...

   one of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.

   Spilled my skittles in the toilet by accident today as I went to flush.. What I thought was a disaster turned into an awesome 10 second NASCAR race..

   so I put my phone in airplane mode and threw it up in the air. Let's just say, worst Transformer ever...

   The akward moment when your college teacher gave you a dead line date for an essay, so you forgot to do it, so you do it at the last day and end up getting a higher grade than your classmates. "THUG LIFE"

   Surround yourself with Contenders, not Pretenders.

   Circus + shopping = Walmart

   A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss. lol ;)

   People make life so hard. smile be happy. hold no grudges. and have sex

   Why don't blind people bungee jump? Because it scares the hell out of the dogs

   if you have ever bought clothes to match the color of your crocs you need to seriously rethink your life.

   Be careful if you see a silver lining in a cloud. It could be another aircraft.

   The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.

   NO! I'm not arguing with you, I'm simply explaining why I'm right DAMMIT!!

   I breathe the Dollar Sign_:-$