Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when I was six and my biggest problem was what kind of dress to put on my Barbie's or whether or not I had enough Lego's to build a fort

   If your plan A doesn't work, don't sweat it. The alphabet has 25 more letters.

   Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers! d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

   When wife says, "We need to talk". That only means that she will talk and the Husband will Choke

   tellin people you're deleting your facebook, then disabling it, then bring it back is pointless

   I wake up and people are asking me if I'm dead? Just because I'm 27 does not mean I'm going anywhere. (STILL-MUCH-ALIVE)

   Has anyone ever completed a round of anti-biotics?

   Concentration. Precision. Fearlessness. Patience. Four skills all men possess while shaving that I wish we could apply to other aspects of our life, always.

   You were a straight-A student, on the honor roll, well-behaved all throughout your school years.......Now today you're wondering why you're unemployed and struggling. Do you still believe in the system "they" taught you since you were a child??

   The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve..

   Why give second chances when there are people waiting for their first?

   Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong damn person.

   3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die.

   Maybe this 30 days of 100° weather is the change Obama was talking about.

   Todays my Grandmas birthday, but she doesnt have a cell phone for me to text or a facebook wall for me to write on, what do I do?

   If Voldemort is such a powerful wizard, why can't he conjure up a new nose?

   Sometime In this life we get to the point when "Doing right is wrong and doing wrong is right"

   Im so happy Facebook wasnt around when I was in high school.

   Even though I said I dont care about you I still check your facebook every once in a while, just to see how youre doing.

   I only have a Facebook to see where everyone is at, so I can avoid running into them.