Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.

   If I get another invite for farmville, I'm going to get my friends in Mafia Wars to shoot your cows and send the meat to Cafe World.

   I'm proud to be an infidel

   Hey Obaman & other Liberal Dems The race card has become tired tattered and faded. Time to fabricate a new strategy.

   Facebook's starting to creep me out. I just got a friend request from a woman with the following attached message, "I like you. I like my men like I like my coffee. Freeze dried in a jar kept in the back of the fridge." I clicked "accept". Was that a mist

   Liberal = hypocrite. YOU: must do as I say ME: must do what feels good

   Obama isn't Jimmy Carter bad, he's worse, he's James Buchanan bad.

   Did Obama take ever take a economics class? Oh I'm sorry his school records are sealed too!

   If I were you I'd keep silent.

   so is london bridge burning down yet

   Have you ever called to make payment arrangements on a bill, and forgot you already paid it? Me neither....

   Nonsense sometimes makes sense!

   If Dippin Dots is, in fact, the ice cream of the future, then is it safe to assume the future is terrible?

   Can't wait to see whatever movie they're filming in London right now. Looks bad ass.

   In the 80s and 90s we had Government Cheese. What is next Salami?

   Ok I understand Food Stamps are for people who can't afford food. I can't afford GAS where is my fuel stamps???

   You know, even after all these years, Stacy's mom has still got it going on.

   Though accurate, "I Need Sleep Or I'll Kill You," doesn't have quite the same ring as "Beauty Rest."

   You ever had a gut feeling about having an empty stomach?

   There are three very important things you can always give but still keep at the same time...Your word, a smile and your heart