Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think those who are leading our nation should wear shock collars!

   Ironman is a super hero. Iron woman is a command.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

   I chose not to drive the Lambo today.... because I don't own one

   Whenever I see a really hot girl I know is out of my league, I just console myself by thinking to myself 'Some guy somewhere is probably tired of her sh*t'

   Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it.

   You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana

   Guy's Remember : While You're Sitting There All Day Playing Call Of Duty , Your Girl Is Calling Someone Else To Come And Do Your Duty .

   noticed it's very difficult these days to find something on television that doesn't have to do with cake! :/

   I throw Justin Bieber at the wall sometimes, saying AYO...I missed the window...

   Why cant Govts, like husbands and boyfriends, simply say sorry and defuse a crisis before it goes out of hand???

   The reason women ask so many questions is because they have an extra why chromosome.................

   Maybe Congress should try a Bake Sale.

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

   "Vodka, Bourbon, Tequila!" - Me calling the shots.

   Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

   These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.

   Did you know that 98% of Ford trucks sold within the past decade are still on the road today? The other 2% actually made it home…

   Lady Gaga taught me its okay to be different. Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I loveMost importantly, Rebecca Black taught me the days of the week.