santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

   Know what I going to Buy to My MAYAN friend for Christmas.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"

   I know what I'm getting all my Mayan friends for Christmas!

   If I win $425 Million next Wednesday, what do you want for Christmas?

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast, it sound just like "Merry Christmas"..

   I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...

   I asked my wife what she wants for Christmas. She said, "Oh, nothing special." So I'm giving her a framed picture of her t!ts.

   saw a Mayan Xmas shopping today ........ seemed legit

   Black Friday... a special time to keep Capitalism in Christmas

   A stupid, ridiculous, sappy, eye-rolling Hallmark commercial just made me tear up...the holidays are officially here.

   I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!

   What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?

   What's a good Christmas gift for the man who has everything except a clue?

   Tesco - It's the little things that make Christmas. Yeah, Vietnamese kids in sweat shops.

   I remember when Santa said I was to old to sit on his lap. Well that was last year, this year I am wearing a disguise.

   So who's buying their kids Elmo toys this Christmas?....Anyone...?

   Santa, this Christmas all I want is a fat bank account and a slim body. Lets not mix the two up like last year, ok?

   Santa put me in charge of the naughty list this year. So if you have been naughty inbox me so we can talk about your punishment and gift.

   Just a friendly reminder: There's 51 shopping days before Xmas. Of course according to the Mayans, the world will end in 48 days, so you decide…