Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We all have that one class where when you're absent, you feel like you've missed a year when you come back.

   They call them "pizza rolls" because"pizza love handles" was too wordy.

   It would be awesome idea to stand around in a large circle at school chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" and in the middle of it would be a rock, paper and scissors.

   Telling a child to sit in the corner and think about what they've done is not a punishment: all it does is give the child time to come up with a better plan for next time.

   If you suspect someone has the power to read minds, then just play Never Gonna Give You Up in your head so they will get Rick-Rolled trying to read your thoughts.

   This just in..... everyone is NOT created equal.

   There's always that one annoying kid that says "Present!" instead of"Here!"

   I liked your post...until this happened :) xD lol <3 <33!

   It would be funny if someone calls"shotgun", and you were to just yell"Rosa Parks", get in the front seat, and refuse to move?

   Napoleon is the only Dynamite that is never going to bang.

   Life's a trip.....tie your shoes

   Everytime you use the handicap stall you secretly hope no one in a wheelchair comes in.

   if girls don't have to piss side by side with their junk out, why do guys?

   I could use some sexual harassment 

   If Patrick Star was running for president, his motto could be "We should take all of our problems, and move them somewhere else!"

   My wife told me she was going to leave me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. Slightly concerned, but in the end it doesn't even matter

   They say you are what you eat but I don't remember eating a sexy beast.

   The most annoying thing is when you get a pimple on your nose, like I would rather get a pimple any where else but...

   that moment when your standing out in the dark waiting for the bus and its a No school day..

   Don't you wish common sense would make a big comeback.