Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kim Kardashian requests her privacy during this time. Just her, an E! camera crew & 30 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.

   I feel like I should apologize to my shower drain.

   ok but i'm out of cialis so you have to wear the boba fett mask

   it weird that one of my nuts is bigger than the other two?

   The power went out, so I'm taking my shower by LED flashlight, just like they did in the olden days.

   I think I weigh, I don't know...74317.965555 pats of butter.

   The Mystery Machine gang were the first Ghost Hunters to debunk ghosts..

   only giving out chocolate covered caramel to trick or treaters cause that's how I "Rolo".

   Geez!....Drop a couple "fun size" Absolute miniatures in a trick-or-treater's sack and suddenly it's a neighborhood "incident".

   Using Candy from last yr for "trick or treaters" =)

   Poor Kris Humphries. The NBA strike won't allow him to dribble and shoot and neither will Kim Kardashian.

   I'm dressing up as the ghost of the 2011 NBA season. It's not like anyone is gonna see me or care to see me anyway.

   I can understand Kim wanting a divorce, I mean I thought he was Blake Griffin too

   No I did not flinch because you scared me, I flinched because of my instinct to survive.

   discovered that answering the door naked helps deter trick or treaters. Here we go again, here's 2 dressed as policemen.....

   if you wear the #15 jersey while passing out candy to the kiddies tonight, you're allowed to throw the candy 15 feet above the kids heads. This is known as TEBOWING.

   How to save money on Halloween candy, set a empty bowel on the front porch and write a nice note that says please only take one piece of candy, that way everyone can have some.

   You know you're wasting your life on the Internet when you keep coming back to the same sites because you can't think of anything else to do.

   You'd think that after a while, Scooby and Shaggy would stop being such pu$sies when they see a ghost or something. They should know it's just someone in a costume.

   TRUTH IS:... Kardashian should be a verb for "Bounce"  "Ayo homie i'd like to kick it but I gotta Kardashian"