Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..walked into a butchers and saw some meat hanging from the ceiling. The butcher said he'd give me $100 if I i could jump up and touch them. I said "no" and he asked why. I said "Because the steaks are too high."

   ..a recent survey shows that 9 out of 10 men prefer big boobs. The 10th man just prefers the other 9 men.

   Later on that night after Greyson was born Andrew and I were sitting alone..and he started to weep..and I asked him why...and he said "I'm scared..how do I explain to my son about Milli Vanilli" and I hugged him and told him God will help him find a way..

   wonders why everyone on that baseball team is wearing a Jay-Z cap?

   having humpty dumpty for breakfast

   in a relationship with Jack Daniels and his half brother Jack Hoff ♥ (its complicated)

   congrats to the NY Steinbrenners for buying....I mean winning the World Series!! Baseball is no longer America's Sport, the NFL is. Learn from them and get a salary cap!

   100% of all divorces are caused by marriage.

   ..just quit her job washing cats. I hated it! I could never get the fur off my tongue.

   If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement

   if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such

   27 Championships. Too bad the Yankees can't also buy the respect of players, owners, and fans of MLB.

   thinks it's wrong to tease a midget with learning difficulties.... It's not big and it's not clever

   looking for nudist beaches in Google Earth

   bringing sexy back. after a long court battle I got full custody

   50 ways to leave your lover. Does one of them involve a chainsaw, garbage bag and an obscure cave in the mountains? Ok 51 ways!

   "If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"

   ..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.

   wondering, if a turtle had no shell, would it be homeless or naked?

   says even though my cherries gone, I still have the box it came in! :)