santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   - Little boy writes to Santa: Please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: Ok, send me your mother.

   its not Christmas time yet and Starbucks is holiday happy. We still have to get though thanksgiving people.

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   Remember, a doggie isn't just for Christmas... it's a f-kin good position all year round!

   Merry Christmas! oh, its not evern thanksgiving yet? well, how about we forward that memo to the stores, cause its beginning to look alot like christmas..EVERYWHERE I GO!

   The Christmas cheer has begun.... American Express commercials just announced if you use their card ...they'll donate ONE SHINY PENNY to charity...... is there any way to spend LESS,,,, nice JOB AMEX

   Every year Santa runs over Grandma with his Reindeer. I wonder if I give him extra cookies if he would aim for my ex wife this year instead?

   Wow, Christmas parties invitations are starting to arrive... grrrr... shut up liver!

   Oh yes Gwyneth Paltrow, you are so very country strong. I guess being born in LA, going to private school NYC and attending college in Santa Barbara really prepared ya.

   my neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.

   if you are posting how many days there are until Christmas in November, you should have to do all the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.

   Why are you informing me how many shopping days left until Christmas? I'm not getting anything for you anyway!

   Dear Santa.... All I want is access to that "bad boy's" list of yours.

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!"

   may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping."

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!"

   says This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our..."

   I just got my wifes Christmas gift. I hid it in the oven. She will never find it there!