Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just heard about the scientist that wants to rename the planet Uranus because it's rude. It's true, Google it! I reckon that's a damn good idea...let's call it Urectum instead.

   wondering if the last one out could possibly switch off the light at the end of the tunnel?

   Yes I know it's 09/09/09 I don't need 100 text messages letting me know. I have a calendar!

   hasn't spoken to bigfoot in a while.

   should shout "You Lie!" in church just to see what happens...

   SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.

   I don't know about you, but I'm sick of seeing disabled people being pushed around...

   One tectonic plate bumped into another and said....."Sorry, my fault"

   thinks we have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

   coffee because I grind so fine

   thinking about how Kanye could be so Heartless!

   gonna go stand outside. So when someone asks where I am you can tell them.. They're outstanding

   had a GREAT FB status but Kanye West interrupted me...

   wants money for nothing and the chicks for free.

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!

   This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters and you would have been directed to post this as your status message immediately. This is only a test.

   feeling a little off today, anyone want to turn me on?

   ...so, is it to soon to ask Whoopi Goldberg if she's heard from Patrick Swayze yet?

   ended her relationship with Kanye West...