Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.

   Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I come near them.

   And in Technology news, even though 2022 was expected, Apple has announced the coming year will only be 2021s.

   Old Age comes at a really bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

   Now that I have lived through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches.

   Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one...

   The least knobby dot, the least knobby dot, the least knobby dot for annual quantum police thee dot… or whatever that Spanish Christmas song is saying.

   How much would a wood chuck would chuck if you pls shut the hell up? 😀

   My dog wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. Fleas Navidad.

   It's so ironic that they keep calling us sheep, yet they're the ones taking medicine from the petting zoo.

   So...you've been eating hot dogs, chicken nuggets and other processed meats all your life, but you won't get the shot because you don't know what's in it????

   I can hear those folks stuck on that snowed-in, 55 mile stretch of I-95 in northern Virginia: "But we love the seasons!"

   Hello welcome to marriage anonymous." Hi, I'm Todd. It's been 12 years since my last decision. I had an independent thought yesterday that I almost said aloud but I called my sponsor and we talked through it & I stayed quiet!"

   Me: I'm not getting the Covid vaccine because I don't know what is in it. Also me: Ooooooo..... The McRib is back!

   YouTube video: "How to stop procrastinating." Me: [Add to Watch Later]

   If I have to wear a mask to protect your health, I’m gonna slap that McDonald’s outta your hands too.

   When Donald Trump was the President, CNN asked for Trump's resignation on daily basis for mishandling of Coronavirus. Now 1 million daily cases, CNN is on the verge of giving Nobel peace award to Joe Biden & Kamala Harris.

   helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said to me "I could marry you!" I couldn't believe it... you do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return...

   Yeah, I like the seasons too. That's why I live in a place that skips the nasty ones.

   You'd be surprised at how quick Home depot employees help you after ignoring you for 20 minutes when you try to start a chainsaw...