Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   typed this with her toes.

   just lost my job at the Orange Juice factory...I couldn't concentrate

   a duck was about to cross the road when a chicken came running up and said... don't do it man ... you will never here the end of it

   thinking the sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette

   Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark

   Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

   Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

   reckons he was baptized in LSD.

   never a follower......that's what 'Twits' are for.

   thinks that the song 'Take You Down' by Chris Brown was actually a message to Rihanna.

   like superman just without the cape

   Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.

   This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

   wonders if a guy stands up in church to disagree with the priest...is he called a mass debator?

   if you die in a elevator....press the UP button!

   if NFL doesn't want Michael Vick back....my local animal shelter is looking for a pooper scooper!

   wondering what would happen if he wrote, "For Marijuana" in the memo field of all his checks? ...

   .....Squirrels: Nature's Little Speed Bumps!

   things could be worse ya know....Sex COULD be fattening!

   arm wrestling the KOOL-AID guy...he's strong! He must be drinking MILK!