Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Monday Morning just logged me out due to inactivity...

   Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I ask if your store caries Ancient Indian Burial Ground Test Kits...

   pissed...I started off with a manic Monday, but decided to have a funday instead...but then someone stole the 'n' outta my funday and it's just been a f.u.day!

   wondering why women want men to open their car door for them, but yet they want to vote... PICK ONE!!!

   As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...

   two nuns are riding their bikes down a small stone trail, one nun tells the other "wow, I've never came this way before", "yeah I know, it must be these stones

   It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

   has turned on Airplane mode on his Palm Pre, but so far it hasn't taken off.

   "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson

   What is the generic brand name for Viagra? Mycauxaphallon.

   thinks that, that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of "ace"....I know from experience!!

   wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!

   Real men don't cry........ Real men point and laugh at the fag thats crying...........

   A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me

   Damn predictive text! I swear, I honestly didn't say I wanna kick your puppy

   May 4th is Star Wars Day. I hear to celebrate you have to go back to your parent's basement, spend all night alone in a costume, then retreat under the covers with a wookie photo, two cinnabuns, and a flashlight.

   Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

   Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my p*nis".

   Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

   A stripper just got mad at me for saying godd@mmit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality