Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives...

   thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.

   loves nerds 2² ever...

   you cant drink all day if you dont start in the morning

   having a "Who the hell is Mel Kiper? My mailman knows more about the draft than he does." moment !

   going to make an app called Stephville that way people can gift me items that I need around the house.

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   thinking Robin Hood was a Democrat.

   So Noah from the Bulls looks grungy, apperently basketball is so easy a caveman can do it.

   crazy people are exhausting!

   I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you!

   Got a strange look from a 70 year old woman in bike pants/black socks/sandles. I'm afraid she might have heard me say, "Hello, future."

   here..now what are your other two wishes????

   asks: Is it wrong to want to be the designated driver just so you can drop obnoxious drunk a$$holes off at random houses that aren't theirs?

   I like Jay Sean's music. He's like Chris Brown, sans the beatings.

   just sneezed. Thought I'd let everyone know just in case Facebook hadn't gotten around to it yet.

   A friday with out Booze is like a Church without a priest...

   Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!

   Feels like posting tomorrow's status update today

   if we're not supposed to have laet night snacks, why is there a light in the frigde?