Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

   - So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....

   Who Cares about the Twilight Sparkly Drama...Give me the "Underworld" Hot Vampire on Lycan Action anyday!!!

   you may bang hundreds of girls,but your heart belongs to one girl only....so keep banging till you find her.

   Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

   If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!

   Tip for the day: Don't throw manure into the wind.

   no easter bunnies were harmed in the making of this status

   better to know and be disappointed, than to never know and always wonder..

   thinks if I would have known I was going to be this thirsty this morning I would have drank more last night!!

   if "rawr" means "i love you" then why does it scare me?

   wonders...Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come."?

   The Lesbians across the street just mowed the grass.....I guess Spring is here.....

   Would you be upset if chickens colored placentas and put them in a basket with candy and toys?.........

   The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs

   thinks it's cool we can celebrate the murder of our messiah with chocolate bunnies & marshamallow chicks.

   doesn't want to work. He wants to bang on da drum all day.

   Easter Bunny to her baby chic: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions!"

   puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose again.

   OCD's Anonymous meeting at my place. Anyone who feels compelled to clean up, go for it.